Loading ...
What would you do?
When I told people about our decision to move to Australia a lot of people reacted by saying; “Great! Now we have a cheap holiday address!”. I always thought that was odd. Just because you know someone in a different country doesn’t automatically mean that that person has to open up their house for you and provide a roof over your head and food on the table for free. I don’t know, maybe it was just the Dutch mentality shining through… I have a cousin who lives in Canada and another cousin who lives in Taiwan but it has never crossed my mind that if I go to those countries that I would stay with them instead of a hotel.
One of the managers at my old job even thought it was wonderful because his daughter wanted to travel to Australia and had figured out that I would pick her up from the airport and have her stay in my house for a week while I show her around. He never asked if I wanted to do that; I just got told. I guess he forgot that his ‘bossing around’ didn’t extend to outside of work situations. His daughter actually worked at the same place and felt she was better than us - because she was the managers daughter - and never bothered to say hi to me or my colleagues. So why would I want to pick someone up from the airport and have her stay in my house if she can’t be bothered to even say hi to me! I made the decision to only open up my house to my real friends and family. Every one else who thought they’d have a cheap holiday address could go and get f*cked!
Not long ago I got an email from a guy who was in my class at elementary school. He found me through hyves, which is similar to myspace. He wants to travel to Australia and asked me for advice since I’ve traveled all through Australia in 1999. So I gave him advice on numerous things, but he has decided to ignore it all. I thought: “Oh well, he’ll find out when he gets here!”. It’s not my problem so I went on with my life. Last week all of the sudden I get an email saying he wants to meet up with me and if he can stay at my house even if it is for a couple of days.
I still haven’t replied to him. I haven’t seen or been in contact with this dude for over 17 years. Even when we went to school together I didn’t hang out with him. So why should I meet up with him? If I’d still lived in Holland it would not even cross my mind to hang out with him. I really don’t feel like seeing him, let alone have him stay at my house, but saying no seems so harsh! How can I blow this dude off without sounding mean? What would you do?
| 2.5 |
If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed.
January 24th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
You’re kidding me right? He did NOT email you and ask to stay at your place in Australia after you have not seen nor spoken to him in 17 years? Depending on when it is you might be able to ignore it but otherwise I’d have to politely say sure we can meet to catch up but I would feel uncomfortable with letting you stay in my home especially if you have other family there.
January 24th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Why are YOU concerned about looking rude? These other people are being rude to you by making these assumptions and making you feel uncomfortable.
I would tell him “I am not in the habit of allowing strangers to stay in my home. My definition of a stranger includes anyone who hasn’t been invited, by me, to have dinner at my home.”
You really don’t owe him an explanation. As the saying goes, “NO is a complete sentence.” IF you feel like you must explain yourself (???) then tell him the truth. You haven’t heard from him in 17 years and you weren’t that close in HS.
Angelika’s last blog post..Maybe this is why I don’t sleep
January 25th, 2008 at 1:25 am
That is so crazy. I would not reply to him and if he sends you AGAIN a request I would say, Gosh I’m so sorry those dates aren’t going to work out for me. My schedule is really full.
But have fun on your trip.
January 25th, 2008 at 2:18 am
Meetup–yes, stay at my house–no
My house is my private space, you only get invited in if I invite you. You do not get invited in if you invite yourself–unless you are near and dear.
the meetup would be just to catchup, you know for old times sake. It can be fun to catch up.
Sunny Daydreame’s last blog post..I’ll be back tomorrow.
January 25th, 2008 at 2:58 am
People are just plain weird! I moved to Texas from Canada and had 30 visitors in 15 months - some stayed only 1 night, some up to 3 weeks! Some were relatives I’d never have invited to spend a night at my home in canada… some were merely acquaintances who wanted a free bed and breakfast. Some were actually invited! But, you are so right - people ‘expect’ to stay with you when you move somewhere ‘exotic’.
I finally got smart and told the uninvited guests I’d cook them a nice dinner the first night, but the next night was on them - at a restaurant of my choice. ‘Fair’ is fair to all, including me!
A ‘white lie’ would be more than appropriate in your case - or procrastination - if you don’t answer his email, he’ll get the idea! Or, email him right away and straight out say you just cannot offer him a place to stay - you don’t have to explain why
January 25th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Send him a link to your blog?
witchypoo’s last blog post..In the Eye of the Beholder
January 25th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Why do you feel that saying “no” is so harsh? There are only two answers to the question he asked you — yes or no.
No one can make you feel bad if you don’t let them. Simply tell him that you have other commitments and that you are not able to accommodate him.
Do not add anything to that sentence,
and don’t get “woman’s guilt” about being the friend, or hostess, or helper. The more you answer questions with the truth, the easier it gets.
PS. I would have left the snotty daughter at the airport and not answered the phone. I’ve never liked the bosses “kids”.
January 28th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
[...] of my post comments and ran to a blog called Alive by Elizabeth and one of her recent posts, “what would you do?” struck a chord with [...]
January 28th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Oh I feel for you! I know exactly what you’re saying. I actually have a lengthy reply so I’ve decided to blog about it instead LOL
It’s at,
Maria Finds
Good luck!
April 16th, 2008 at 9:44 am
[...] January I asked the question ‘What would you do?‘ It was about a guy I had not seen in 17 years and who, all of the sudden, wants to meet up [...]